Humor SMS, Jokes and Funny Text Messages

While walking down the street, I heard an old man say "I've been in love with the same woman for almost 50 years now." I was touched until I heard him say "I wish she knew."

What's the difference between pleasure and torture? Pleasure is thinking of you & torture is thinking of you too much.

Birdy birdy in the sky, left a poopie in my eye. Me don't care, me don't cry, me just happy that cows can't fly!

It's important to find a man who has money, a man who adores you,a man who is great in the sack. It's also imprtant that these 3 men should never meet!

When everything is coming your way, you're driving on the wrong lane. 

If I could be any letter in the alphabet, I'd choose "V" so I can be next to "U"; if you could be any note, I wished you're "RE" so your always beside "ME"! 

Relationships r like traffic signs 1-way, 2-way, do not enter, no u turn, no left turn, but d best so far is give way and keep right. 

In the hopes of reaching the moon men fail to see the flowers that blossom at their feet.  instead of space shuttle, they walked into a garden.

A girl phoned me the other day and said…"Come on over, there's nobody home." I went over. Nobody was home.

Da gud frn is like a bra, hard to find, comfortable, supportive, n prevents u from fallin.  holds u tight n always close to ur heart.  ur my dear bra.

Why do I miss you? Because you make me smile. You are so kind. You are so sweet. You are very funny. And most of all, because you are not texting me any more. That's why.

Our frndship means alot 2 me, dat if we wer d last people on a sinking ship & der s only 1 lyf vest, i'll..uhm.. ah.. eh..I'm gonna mis u 4 sure..!

When you are in love, you wish you were married. When you are married, you wish you were in love.

Kisses blown are kisses wasted. Kisses aren't kisses unless they are tasted. Kisses spread germs and germs are hated. So kiss me baby, I'm vaccinated!

Love is not about the melody of violins, it's about the squeaking of bed springs.

Early to rise, early to bed, makes a man healthy but socially dead.

The rain makes all things beautiful, the grass and flowers too. But if rain really makes all things beautiful, why doesn't it rain on you?

Whenever I hear people say something bad about you, like when they say that you are not cute enough, I would always come to your defense and say "She's trying to be one!" 

How can you know if a person is cute? First, he or she has a poor memory. Second – umn … I forgot na!

Your secrets are safe with me and all my friends.

I hate blackout. Never mind the aircon, never mind TV and stereo, never mind the internet. But if I could not recharge my cell phone so I could keep texting, that's another point. I hate blackout.

Every time I hold her hand, I feel like holding my cheek. She always slaps me on the face.

We hate others for imitating us. We are irritated by their attitude.

Kung akala mo importante ka sa akin, kung akala mo may tiwala ako sayo, kung akalamo namimiss kita at kung akala mo friend kita…Korek ka dyan!

I'm sure you were born in this world as a cute baby. Now that you're a grownup, I have one question….. What happened?

Someday you may lose your hair, you may lose your teeth, your money and even lose your mind. But one thing you will never lose – your good looks, coz you can never lose what you don't have!

I had a dream about you. Nasa heaven daw tayo with two angels. Your angel is cute but mine is not, so tampo ko. I asked why cute ang angel mo. They said: "Balance of nature".

Why do we sleep? Because we need to take a break from texting. Have a nice dream while texting.

How can you know if a person is cute? First, he or she has a poor memory. Second – umn … I forgot na!

Our friendship means a lot to me, that if we were the last people on a sinking ship and there's only one life vest, I'll..uhm.. ah.. eh..I'm gonna miss you for sure!

Reporter: How does it feel to become a millionaire?
Millionaire: Sad, because I am not a billionaire.

I've just heard a funny joke. I can't stop laughing. Hahahaha! Want to hear it. Biruin more…..cute ka raw? Hahahaha!

While walking down the street, I heard an old man say "I've been in love with the same woman for almost 50 years now." I was touched until I heard him say "I wish she knew."

Bakit exciting ang text? 1. Kasi pwedeng magpacute and pangit. 2. Pwedeng single ang married 3. Sa text bida ang sinungaling 4. Sa text bistado ang kuripot.

Smile is the secret to stay young and cute. Naks, bakit ka nakangiti?

What is the difference between cute and feeling cute? Cute is the one who sent this and feeling cute is the one reading this. He…He…he… Text mo sa iba para ikaw naman ang cute!

I may not be your PEPSI choice of the new generation; I may not be your COKE, only the real thing; or your NIDO, world's no. 1 but I can be your REXONA I won't let you down.

I'm thinking u. I want to be with u. I am longing for u. I have a crush on u. I want to hug and kiss u. I love u. Ikaw, love mo rin ba ang letter u?

You're like my asthma, you take my breath away. Like dandruff; I can't get you off my head. Like my car, you drive me crazy. Like dentures, I can't smile without you.

Fifty years from now, tanda na ko nun! Di na cute, wala ng appeal, uugud-ugod, nguya nganga, dala baston. Pero pag uso pa ang text, iti text pa rin kita.

You think I'm nice, I think you're nice. You think I'm kind, I think you're kind. You think I can be trusted, I think you can. You think I'm cute, and I think you're right.

You can buy gifts but not love. You can pretend smile but not happiness. You can lie to others but not to yourself. You can have another friend but not as cute as I am! 

If you're like my pillow, you're huggable. If you're like my cell phone, you're smart. If you're my chocolate, you're sweet. If you're like me, grabe and cute mo naman!

Everything about you is perfect – your lips, your skin, your eyes, your body. Perfect! You're lucky to be born beautiful, not like me, who was born to be a big liar.

You'll never know who your friends are… till you stumble and fall. And till you feel his hands on your shoulder as he says, "Yan tatanga-tanga kasi".

Any man who can text while kissing a pretty girl is simply not giving the text the attention it deserves.

If you're not cute don't continue reading this…. Naks! yan ang gusto ko sayo eh, lakas ng fighting spirit mo! O pumipindot pa! Lupit mo! 

A kiss can be a comma, a question mark, a colon, or an exclamation point… So don't dare to kiss me coz I might get crazy,?.!

The Pinoy politician does not fail to smile in front of the camera. Why? Guilt tickles when there is too much light.

This message was sent exclusively for the handsome and the beautiful. We have obviously sent it to the wrong number. We are truly sorry for the inconvenience.

Each of us has his own fear but sooner or later we must face it. It takes a lot of guts to overcome it. So don't be afraid to face your fear. Go ahead, take a bath. Good a.m.

Newsflash: Policemen saving a woman who appears to be jumping off a building. Policeman: Bumaba ka dyan maraming nagmamahal sa yo! Woman: Wag kayo makialam, di ako makapag -send!

If only I'm an angel, I'll protect you. I'll lend you my wings. I'll watch over you. But I'm not an angel, hawig lang.

When she talks about the town, she calls it news. When the town talks about her, she calls it 'tsismis'.

I looked at the sky. The sky is beautiful. I looked at you. I looked at the sky na lang ulit. 

Money will buy a bed but not sleep, food but not appetite, amusement but not happiness. You see, money is not everything. Therefore, if you have too much, please send it to me ASAP!

I'm afraid to die not because it will hurt or I don't know what will happen, but because I might be waiting for you in Heaven and be disappointed.

Some people choose friends who are thoughtful and caring. Some prefer those who are smart and good looking. When you chose me, pinakyaw mo na lahat.

Everyone, except me, wants to become a millionaire. I want to become a billionaire.

I know you've got plenty of friends. Some are old, some are new. Some are false, some are true. I may not be your perfect friend, but one thing I will always be – the cutest you've got.