While walking down the street, I heard an old man say "I've been in love with the same woman for almost 50 years now." I was touched until I heard him say "I wish she knew."

What's the difference between pleasure and torture? Pleasure is thinking of you & torture is thinking of you too much.

Birdy birdy in the sky, left a poopie in my eye. Me don't care, me don't cry, me just happy that cows can't fly!

It's important to find a man who has money, a man who adores you,a man who is great in the sack. It's also imprtant that these 3 men should never meet!

When everything is coming your way, you're driving on the wrong lane.